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Terrifying thirties

This is it, I’m experiencing the ubiquitous mid-life crisis. No career to speak of, no relationship to produce on social media and nothing to brag about except a home mortgage to pay.

My chest is burning with anxiety and ennui. The fear that I cannot afford to make costly mistakes is choking me slowly. Recklessness is so tempting right now. Just thinking about packing my bags to live in a foreign country is like a quick espresso shot that dissolves into fatigue and cold shivers of dread.

I don’t know how to choose the things I should focus with my life. Work is just a means to live for me, thanks to the grim reality that sacrificing mental energies and time  does not yield rewards. I am envious of 40-year-old otakus who pour so much passion on their 2 dimensional goddesses of fantasy. They are burning for something. I have lost the spark and kindling to nurture a decent hearth. 

I am afraid of regret. 

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I am back.

I am back.

It has been years since I’ve written for myself. I can’t recall when I stopped writing about moments in my life, the flow of thoughts dammed and diverted back into the secret depths of my mind. Swirling and sloshing but flowing nowhere except within the concrete confines of a brittle heart.

It could be the fear of hurting the rice paper thin sensitivities of a person just to avoid the emotional drama. Or possibly to suppress the unfathomable burst of rage that is cultivated by the stream of judgements passed over trivial matters every second of my waking life. Even the unbearably blushing excitement of romance has become a mythical moment from the past. I loved some people in that way but now, the leaden cynic has applied a checklist to screen potential candidates. Perhaps I took the suffocating stagnancy for cultivating spiritual stillness. Say nothing and nothing will arise. I want to say ‘I love you’ one more time but trust is such a precious commodity to bestow on a stranger at the expense of a fragile fearful heart. Safe but so suffocating. 

I enjoyed writing, word smithing as a friend called it when he was approaching the crossroads of his life. The wonderful sense of satisfaction that arises upon painting the white slate with an array of words, testing the writer’s vocabulary stock which dwindles as the brain succumbs to age and ennui. Indeed, when change pushes one into the crossroads and uncertainty plagues the mind with possibilities and impossibilities, the need to pour out the churning thoughts into a torrent of words is irresistible.

It is surprising to find that the words are still there, albeit lesser than in my younger days. I miss the cathartic flow of sentences and paragraphs that come from my precocious mind and reckless heart. Is the passion still there? Ironic that for someone who lives in the inner world for so long, I cannot tell with full confidence whether the broiling passions are still within me. 

I might have hidden it so well that I forgot where I left it. Just like how I hid my pocket money in my younger days. I completely forgot the secret hoard until I discover the hidden stash while spring cleaning years later. Then I hide it somewhere else and forget.

I want to come back to who I was and take the passions with me, so I can move on to the next version of my self.

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Welkom to Huis Ten Bosch (5th April 2013)

Welkom to Huis Ten Bosch (5th April 2013)

The mountains in the background gave it away…

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May 24, 2013 · 9:29 pm

The Most Promising Anime Song for a Wedding.(結婚式にぴったり!^^)

”My Dearest” by supercell which is also the OP for ‘Guilty Crown’ by the godly animation studio, I.G. Productions (土下座).

The animation is not short of godly with massive CG effects and I.G. Production quality animation…Haven’t gotten around watching the series though.

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✿London is so loverly✿(26 May 11 to 3 June 11)

The anglophile inside has revealed itself even before I arrived in the fair city of London. For starters, Malaysians do not need a tourist visa and an adapter for my chargers which saves a lot of pain. And oh, the many lessons I have learned in this dreadfully short one-week visit.

Iconic phone box of Britain

Lesson 0: Get a smartphone, sniff for wifi and switch off the cellular data function at all times. I got an iPhone4 for this trip and it became my laptop-cum-camera-cum-telephone box (you can’t carry a red telephone box with you for starters. Her Majesty’s bobbies would come after you with their truncheons). All the photos were taken with the iPhone4 and I could do so discreetly (very useful in museums, the tube, meal tables, hurhur) and beautifully ( brilliant colours and focus). Perfect in every way, except of course, I wish Steve Jobs could extend its short battery life. <全部アイフォンでとった。アップルすごい!>

Tower Bridge and cloudy skies at Tower Hill where it began to drizzle soon after.


Armour galore in the White Tower!こんなプラモがいいんですね!

The famous Greenwich Meridian Time line.↑GMT+-

Relaxing on the cool grass and feeding pigeons while enjoying the warbling waters of Princess Diana fountain in Kensington Gardens(^^)

The National Gallery at Trafalgar Square. Lovely weather and colour isn’t it? Thanks to iPhone (>w<)

National Portrait Gallery next door: Portrait of Sir Stamford Raffles, the colonial visionary who founded Singapore.

The grand Aquarium and London Eye along the Thames (as my own eyes began to swell…(3A3))

Queen Boudicca、an example on why you shouldn’t fuck with women, more figurative than literal. Check out the thong <0><0>.


The eminent King’s College in Cambridge.

The architectural marvel at James Street in Covent Garden.

Twinings at the Strand, since 1706. The varieties of tea blends are astounding.

If you see Big Ben, you know you are in London.

The back entrance of Westminster Abbey where HRH Prince William and Catherine were wedded on 29 April 11.

Westminster Abbey holds a memorial service for the East Japan earthquake on 5 June. 六月五日ウェストミンスター寺院が東日本大地震追悼礼拝をする。

The grand British Musuem, where the history of the world is kept.

Inside the British museum. Isn’t the roof marvellous?

British museum: The Elgin marbles which was taken from the Parthenon… Greece is still pissed.

British museum: The amazingly dramatic depiction of the Royal lion hunt by the Assyrians.

British museum: One of the many well-preserved mummies around.

British museum: Japanese British tea house. 本田菊xアーサーカークランド www

Harrods: Oh my god, Hello Kitty x Harrods?!イギリスもキティに嵌まってる?

Harrods: The famous bears of Harrods.かわいいいいオマワリサンとソルジャー♥

To get to London, what better way than to fly in its national carrier, British Airways? Just 13 hours from Singapore.

Lesson 1: For solo travellers who’d like to have the opportunity to sit next to children or even babysit them, choose the front row seats where the cots are. On my flight to London, my fellow passenger was an Englishman with his toddler, Mr B. Mr B was an adorable little gent who strews die-cast cars and carrot-cucumber sticks around him, has an incredibly tough head and has a preference for inner seats. I was really impressed by the attentiveness of Mr B’s father and the air stewards who made sure that Mr B has a comfortable overnight flight. I’m privileged to babysit Mr B temporarily and watch his “butlers” attend to his needs. (/w\)

3 friends in the Tube. London is in the Oyster card (Suicaと同じ用のカード).

Faeries do exist in London and they take buses! 夜バスで妖精さんが乗った!

Lesson 2: Stand on the Right. Mind the Gap (and the cow!). Watch out for Station Closures. Carry a Map. While on escalators in  Singapore and Tokyo, keep to the left. In London, keep to the right.  The platform gap of London’s stations could be as abysmally wide as 15cm! Now that is what I call a gap worth minding. With the 2012 London Olympics looming, the city is preparing to expand key stations such as Tottenham Court with lots of construction work on weekends and throughout the week. We wouldn’t want the Londoner to risk getting his toes rolled over by the vicious wheels of the tourists’ Samsonite now do we? Another thing that surprised me while commuting on the Tube is the only time I heard the English language being spoken is when there is a public announcement being made. Tourists and immigrants have helped make the train ride a multi-cultural experience.  On my arrival to Earls Court, I feared the place would be similar to the labyrinth-like cities of Japan that even a map is useful as an accessory to show that you are a hopelessly lost tourist. In London, there are street signs clearly marking the direction and area. With a map in hand, I am confident to say that a friendly Londoner would approach a hapless tourist to offer help. After I was discharged from hospital(we’ll get to that in a while), I shuffled to Embankment station for bearings,  trying to find my way back to Leicester Square in the rain. I had a Lonely Planet guidebook in hand and was scrutinising the map on the information post when a kind Londoner approached me and asked where I need to go. He looked like he was on his way home with his bag of grocery. He walked me towards the direction of Leicester Square in the rain, he didn’t have an umbrella mind you.

Monster blister, the boil that started it all.

Warded:Tuna salad pasta and a jug of water.

Warded: ”NSAIDS” to notify staff what NOT to give me. The staff took good care of me, a tourist (3w3)キュン

Lesson 3: I am happy to pay the whopping 16% VAT because it contributes to the NHS (national health service). The medical services are priceless. The thought of getting a tax refund never crossed my mind after I admitted myself to St. Thomas’ hospital for an eye-popping allergic reaction. It all started after I took ibuprofen as recommended by a kind Englishman whom I met along the streets of St Pancras at midnight. After the horrific discovery of a monstrous blister on my left little toe and thanks to the uncaring, apathetic staff at the Generator hostel, I made my way to some hospital which I have no idea how far it would take. The pain took all caution out of my mind and I trotted the dark quiet streets alone, and cold, in search of a clinic or a hospital. I was fortunate to approach an Englishman (ティムさん) from Manchester who happened to be an army medic and he took a look at the monstrosity and advised me not to walk the streets in the area alone and recommended some anti-inflammatory painkillers and remedies. He and his Canadian friend chatted with me in the cold and it made me forget about the pain and piss. Despite the disappearance of the suit and bowler hat ensemble, the English Gentleman still exists in England! I took some ibuprofen the next morning and headed to Leicester square to purchase a ticket to see Les Miserables in the evening. As usual I rambled on aimlessly and found myself in the magnificent Trafalgar Square, trotted further along the Thames to see Big Ben. It was then my eyes started watering and my gut told me it could be a reaction to the ibuprofen I took. Lady Luck smiles on me again when I found St Thomas: hospital just opposite the bridge where Big Ben is. The medical staff directed me to the Accident and Emergency to take a queue number to be registered. By this time, my eyes have swollen to the point where my vision was only 70%. The black admin staff took my particulars down and I highlighted to him that I’m not a UK citizen. Contrary to the complaint of our mentor minister perhaps it’s just his luck that there were alot of patients on that night), it only took me 15 mins before I was taken to the consultation station where the doctor diagnosed my condition as an allergic reaction to NSAIDS. A nurse (Amy) led me to a room where I was given some antihistamines and steroids and I was put under observation for the next few hours to ensure that I did not get an asthmatic attack from the ibuprofen. Later, they put me into a ward where I was very impressed by the care and attention given to the patients by the nurses and doctors. I told the nurse that I would like to be discharged as soon as possible as I had a musical to catch. The kind nurse (Katy) brought me lunch that is available in the pantry and a jug of water. The doctor discharged me upon my request and advised me not to take NSAIDs (anything that ends with -fen). At the pharmacy, I collected the steroids and antihistamines and asked how much they were. The pharmacist told me I do not need to pay for anything and sent me off with a smile. From what I described, it seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? Excellent medical treatment, compassionate staff and it is all free, even for non-UK citizens. That made me fall in love with London even harder than before.

Lovely performance at the Vortex jazz bar. The bass player was cute. (♥w♥)

Blood Brothers:The only musical that made me cry.(;w;)

Les Miserables at the Queen’s Theatre. The best of the 5!

Inside the Victoria theatre where Billy Eliot was performed. Love the dances!

We Will Rock You where the script is badly written around the music of legendary Queen.

Lesson 4: Be Nice. Smile more. Speak proper English.You might get a good seat. In just 7 days, I managed to squeeze 5 musicals into my itinerary. I burnt almost 200 quid on the tickets but you can’t experience the grand old theaters and ice cream during intermission anywhere else (perhaps the States?). In chronological order, I watched Les Miserables, Billy Eliot, The Lion King, Blood Brothers and We Will Rock You. I tried those discounted ticket booths at Leicester Square and managed to get a seat for 18 quid but with 70% view. Then I tried purchasing from the box office itself in the morning when it opens at 10am. The tickets cost up to 50 quid and depending on the person at the counter, they could actually put you in very good seats for the same or lower price. The best deal I got was for Blood Brothers where the lady seemed quite terse at first but after making small talk with her while fumbling at the coins, she put me into the center seat, 4 rows from the stage with a really good view of the cast. A good thing too because the musical was one of the best I’ve ever watched. There was emotional gravity in the performance and when it came to the tragic scene, I started crying with the audience. (;w;)

The famous English breakfast to start the day right…

Enjoy some Afternoon Tea at one’s leisure…Mmm Lovely scones.

What better way to end the day (and trip) in London with a roast beef dinner?

Hearty soups, crisp sandwiches and free wifi at Pret a Manger.

A calorific takeaway lunch on board the train from Cambridge to London. Colossal Cornish pasty…(凄く大きいです;).

Light lunch of clam chowder soup and a scrumptious chocolate and orange muffin at the courtyard of Westminster Abbey.

JK Sheeky’s famous fish pie. The food and service is worth the 30 quid.♥>゜)))彡♥

Dining at JK Sheeky’s. Walls are covered with photos of celebrities.

Cheese and Bacon chips with a refreshing pint of Magner’s cider to wash it all down(including the bitter defeat of Man United to Barca).

…Fish and chips  with pie in Greenwich (まずい!><;). No wonder British cuisine gets such a bad rap.

One of the gourmet highlights of my trip in London- Salmon and Teriyaki chicken bento (ちくしょ!何でロンドンにこんな美味しいものがあるの?!はぁはぁ).

Lesson 5: Hardcore Vegan, Blood-thirsty Carnivore, Finicky Gourmet, Belt-tightening Budget, Anything Asian … London has everything to satisfy the Global Appetite. When one thinks of British food, one hardly connotes it with the word “gourmet”, thanks to a French official’s stark comment on the gastronomic value of the much maligned (maybe not) cuisine. The famous full English Breakfast, a plate piled with fried eggs, thick juicy sausages, artery-clogging-sodium-saturated bacon strips,  juicy grilled tomato (probably the only healthy item on the plate) drowned in thick brown gravy sauce and partnered with crisp slices of toast covered in butter and jam, a hearty bowl of oats porridge, some fruit or yogurt and washed all these down with a revitalizing cup of English Breakfast tea. Then there is the oil-soaked newspaper which cradles crispy batter-fried fish in a bed of salt-sprinkled chips (thick fingers of deep-fried potato. The New World reshaped it into a dainty stick which they call French Freedom Fries.). Despite the health-threatening high-cholesterol offerings the British menu has, who could resist the classic English tradition of Afternoon tea where one enjoys a lovely cup of tea with boulders of scones covered in cold clotted cream and ruby red strawberry jam,  the assortment of sandwiches and cakes to complement the leisurely experience? Thank god and the immigration policy-makers, newcomers from all corners of the earth brought along with them their uniquely tantalising cuisines to make the global traveller feel right at home on the dinner table. The Teriyaki chicken and salmon bento by a native Japanese chef in Leicester Square was possibly the best I ever had in my travels. Huge hunks of fried chicken and a massive slice of salmon bathed in sweet, savoury teriyaki sauce is neatly placed next to a bed of fresh crisp salad and 2 tuna maki. Fish and chips in Greenwich was a real disappointment, it could hardly match the ones I have in Singapore. The saving grace was the heavenly fish pie from JK Sheeky’s at St Martins in the Fields  where I unknowingly find myself in a respectable restaurant served by waiters and surrounded by well-dressed people. The luscious cream cheese potage with fresh hunks of salmon and cod swimming under the crisp fluffy potato crust was to die for. 30 quid for the experience and satisfaction was worth it. And on days where one needs a quick bite, I usually find the ubiquitous Pret a Manger outlet for some freshly made sandwiches and thick wholesome soups, AND (more importantly) free wifi. The perfect meal to conclude the trip was roast beef with brown gravy, mushrooms, potato and carrots for dinner on my flight back home. Absolutely wonderful! (^p^)

I’m not done with London yet. Just you wait, you’ll find me crossing over to Albion’s shores once more.


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JLPT N3 is Over!!! (^3^) (日本語能力試験N3レベルが終わった!orz)

It was only 5 months ago when I made the decision to dump $55 onto the reception counter to take the Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level N3.
I had a ready pool of JLPT2 notes and textbooks to swim in before the test however… life is always full of distractions.
Let me count the ways:Japan vacation, BL manga, BL novel, Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt, 801 etc
Today is the day of reckoning and I reckon the folks who set the papers are a bunch to be reckoned with. The main grouse we all had, N2 and N1 examinees included, was the load of unfamilliar grammar and vocabulary that ambushed us at every turn of the page. I cannot recall whether I was actually taught the words ‘区切って’、 ‘なだらか’ or ‘暗記’ nor actually seen them.
I can only hope for a borderline pass after spending half of the time playing dice with my eraser with the hope for a divine answer to each question. Other than shading random circles on the optical answer sheets, I took the liberty to decorate the question paper with sketches of the Anarchy sisters.(ちゃんまいさんのおかげで、集中できない)
Was the cramming in the past weeks all in vain then?
Perhaps not.
I was able to comprehend 60% of the Kichiku Megane novel that I am currently reading now without turning to the electronic dictionary for help and getting hooked on sexy underwear.


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Finally, the Long-awaited Package Arrived…

It has finally arrived! The highly-anticipated FriWOL anthology which Sardine san promised as a reward for my half-baked labours (Labour? What labour?) has finally found its way into my HDB postbox.

I was intrigued by the contents of the package. It felt like there was more stuff than a book in the envelope. So I just stuck my paw in and pulled something out.

Voila! It’s … It’s a handtowel with Nara’s controversial mascot emblazoned on it. Followed by phone accessories and an awesome memo pad. The most precious of all would be the weighty FriWOL anthology, complete with an ‘obi’ and a glossy cover. It looks good enough for display in Kinokuniya.
The stories inside are beyond entertaining. It’s hilarious! Well, makes up for the lack of hardcore -beeep- which I usually enjoy www

My heartfelt thanks to Sardine san and the contributors for their amazing works and efforts. I feel quite bad for wasting pages with my crappy work though… ごめんなさいorz

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Narcissism and Me,me,me,moi

”The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.” – Toulouse Lautrec, Moulin Rouge.

The artistic midget could never say it better in the movie than that but just like him, the statement is entirely fictional. That’s what I used to think until now. It’s still partial hogwash since the greatest thing I’ll ever learn is how an eight-legged mollusc never fails to control the destinies of football playing countries, I mean, predict the winners in the  2010 World Cup accurately 8 times in a row.

Yes, it’s a nice  thing to love and to be loved in return. But 90% of the time, I let myself get bulldozed by infatuation for the beautiful people living in my head and cyberspace (Refer to entry ‘Missed Target‘). I’d like to play the game of romance but haven’t gotten anywhere near the finals yet (i.e. birds and bees). And since no game lasts forever, I cultivated a healthy cynicism towards love and marriage. All I’m waiting for now is the One with the right qualities and natural abilities who can complement my perfect flaws and quirks. Any gender or race or creed is fine as long as there’s mutual consent (although I’ve developed a taste for non-con through a steady diet of BL, joking). If all else fails, there’s still ”me” to last a lifetime. Sigh, if only I can replicate another me. I envy Henry in ‘The Time Traveller’s Wife’ …

Then what of the 10%? I enjoyed the thrill of the chase during my love-blinded exploits. From the joy of speaking with the target and learning about his/her life (i.e. through stalking) to the bitter sweet ache of waiting for the target’s arrival. Unfortunately, it seems what goes around comes around. In fact, I feel sorry from the bottom of my heart for even having a crush on them thanks to my overactive pituitary gland.

Based on my narcissistic deduction, I believe a person had (note: past tense, better stay that way) a crush on me in Paradiso di servizio civile.

In the 1st month, I was impressed by his attentiveness and genteel manner to everyone. My tumbler magically filled itself up, lunch invitations and even free porter service to the MRT. Then things take on a turn for the ‘better’. I usually like to end off lunch with a healthy dessert option, like fruit or yogurt. One fine afternoon, he asked me what flavor I prefer for yogurt. I typed my reply ‘Strawberry’ (I wish I can have Strawberry Yazima chan in my yogurt wwwwwストロベリーおいしそうw). The next day, a strawberry yogurt cup appeared on my desk. And the day after, another yogurt cup. And the day after… … I wished I’d replied ‘999K gold bars’ or ‘10,000-Japanese yen note’.

The yogurt cup did not come with a spoon. Without a utensil to consume the item with decency, I would dispense the item into the fridge on my way out of the office. The effort of having to walk to the pantry to take a spoon and cover the same distance twice just to consume the yogurt outweighs the perceived benefits of improving bowel movements. My dad did a great job in raising me into a perfectly useless, maid-dependent adult where I would die of starvation if not fed by hand. Soon, the fridge was filled with strawberry yogurt cups.

He saw that the fridge was bursting at its seams with yogurt cups and he asked me whether I’ve been chucking the lot of ’em inside. I gave him the affirmative and told him he could have them or share it with the others. He said the yogurt is meant for me and no one else. He seemed mortified when I suggested that he should share it with our lovely colleagues otherwise the fridge is going to turn into a cheese factory. Thankfully, he distributed the yogurt cups to everyone and the girls seemed really happy by his sweet gesture.
And from then on, the yogurt cup never made its appearance on my desk again. The end.

In my opinion, romantic love or the perception of being in love is always unsettling because the pervert+hormones=pheromones make the loudest noise
(There is a reason why God made me a woman instead of a man. So I won’t get charged for rape or something along that line for succumbing to the moans of nature, snigger). And when the vuvuzela of romance starts to sputter, the whitewash fades and the horrors of drab, ugly reality rears its head to greet you ‘Good Mourning’.
I believe that a relationship cannot be constructed synthetically with money or other material inputs like foodstuffs, it has to be cultivated with care and wisdom, putting in the right words and actions at the right time.
Yes, even something morally agreeable can come out of a filthy, sex-infested mind like mine. I love you, ME.

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Outstation: Japan 11th to 23rd March 2010

Will try to bring home some decent souvenirs.
Pray the weather works to our favour though…

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Erohime Class Graduation (卒業式はカラオケde)



After a year of watching the trials and tribulations of  Itou san x Ogawa san x Lee san x Anand san x Kim san , we finally graduated from Pre-advanced  Japanese. I’ll never forget the scene when Ogawa san had a romantic lunch date with Lee san; and Anand san’s uke voice. Kawaii lai de.

Many thanks to our dear sensei Kikuchi san and fun-loving classmates. Thank you for the tears and toned abdominals from laughing too hard. 

You guys made my Sundays worthwhile. (^p^)

For our last lesson, sensei made us present a short story composed of pictures.

She probably regretted doing so because it revealed the dark side of the class for the first time.

Virtually every group presented a morbid, if not creepy, ending for the stories they told.

One ending was, the boy called Kenji was run over by a car and his sister waited for his return only to receive a call late one night… from her brother.

For my part, I acted as a creepy obasan who kills the kid runner, Tsubasa, after he delivered a packet of white powder to her. The next scene was the creepy obasan was chopping some meat and humming to herself happily,「翼君のお陰で、今晩美味しい肉を食べられるわv」

Another ending tells of the psychotic step mother who stabs her adopted son to death. This is the most painful show to watch because we nearly split our sides from laughing too hard as WeeGin san started cutting paper like a psycho and running around trying to stab his co-actress. The funniest part was after the murder, WeeGin told the class he’s gonna share the meat with the neighbours.

The consequence of having such bloody stories told was during dinner time when sukiyaki was served, we started calling the strips of meat Kenji kun and Tsubasa kun. Mmmm…

After class ended, we headed to NYDC for a cuppa and our sensei launched us into a deep discussion on the dating culture of Singapore and Japan.

Thanks to our ero-jiji who showed us 1 point English.

My classmate gives good ‘ed (ucation) www

Apparently it is common to have pre-marital sex in Japan and similar to its American and British counterparts, remaining a virgin at the age of 30 is a badge of shame. Oh, don’t get me started on the definition of virginity.

According to sensei, it is no surprise if the couple are physically intimate after a week of dating.

Imagine her surprise when she realised all 4 of us, aged 19-30 years, are still physically virgins.

Especially the guys, the ero-jijis of the class, have never been involved in a physical relationship before. Or so they claimed.

The only relationship I ever had was brain sex which lasted 3 nights through Skype.

The funniest was when our 32 year old classmate shyly told sensei he never made out with his girl friend whom he’d been dating for a year now.

Our sensei just couldn’t believe it. She kept repeating her question and expressing doubt www 

You guys are soooooo good! Come on, come on Toshi. Come on!

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Goodbye DT, Hello … bum. (童貞バイバイ、転職組みなる)

My last working day was 20th November 2009.
The week was full of pleasant and not-so-pleasant surprises.
Let’s start with the unpleasantries.
I was forced to sign out of the unassigned log after I rejected the Resource Mashing Terminator’s request to help out the SevereMentalBreakdown team after 2 assistants and a laptop fell ill.
Well, good luck to Severe Mental Breakdown team because the core continuity Chin Jean and I are gone.
For goodness sakes, I have my own planning to do for my own job and the charge code was not opened even on my last day.
Anyhow, other than having to work till 8.30pm everyday, bringing home some crap to clear and breaking my thumbnail to half, the unpleasant stuff is just about it.

Now for the nice stuff.
I discovered the first person in Deloitte who actually shares the same interest in a particular genre *cough 801 cough*!!!
And she’s none other than my co-auditor in charge.

Lion’s Tail and 1wRong had a slight change in their work schedules and were able to make it back to office to send me off.
Shar was in office too, getting herself sick over Pee&Gee, Byecom and other little pieces of dung.

The lavender card with no smell… …but with lots of love inside (^w^)
Thank you my dearies!

The assistant who braved the scoldings and suffering with me at SevereMentalBreakdown last year came down to the 28th floor for the first time. It’s almost like fate brought her done to take a photo with me on my last day. Woohoo!

All the inhabitants of the particular cursed row with bad fengshui were all present too to send me off (except for Rocky).
The last of these is Chua KK whose last day is on my birthday, 8th Dec. Ironically, he’s the 1st to initiate the ‘break up’ with Delete & Touch Tomatoes.

Another leaver is Mars, who’s seconded to the China office.

I’m going to miss all my dear friends and fellow dungpickers at Delete Touch and Tomatoes…
The friendly administrative staff on 31st floor…
Amoy Food centre and ABC juice …
Even some of my favourite dung clients like SevereMentalBreakdown…

Well, as for this, I won’t miss it. Hell no.

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Missed target

I guess a good thing about keeping things under wraps is when things go wrong, it is kept out of sight.

It saves everyone a lot of embarrassment and explanation.

Dear reader, you must be wondering what shit I’ve got myself into this time.
It’s a little emotional splatter. Nothing serious.
Okay, the background (minus all the delicious bits to spare your delicate moral being):

-Met J in J’s paintchat and was drawn (sorry for the pun) by the lovely Frioniel in the most compromising positions

– J left comments in my Teblog with enthusiasm overflowing

– During one of J’s echa, J initiated a Skype instant message session

–  (^p^) Unmentionables in said Skype session

– Unmentionables continue for the 3rd night until J requested to see my picture whereby I directed J to this blog

– After that, J is suddenly caught up with other paint chat sessions and activities (or so I’ve been told by J).

– I sent a message via Teblog to end it all

– Regretted action after receiving J’s reply that J was sorry for not being the One

– Replied with an apology and requested to reconcile once more but J’s next reply was ‘I will not chase after people who have gone out of my life’ 

The End someone online and we had cybrsx. (Somebody kill me.)

It was an overwhelming experience. Who would have thought mere words could have such a powerful influence on the mind and body. And in a foreign language to boot.
We shared things which should be kept private and there was a lot of romancing like exchanging love notes daily (for only 3 days).
Honestly, I desired this person enough to want to fly to see em.
All these in a span of two weeks.

The infatuation didn’t last.
For the other party that is.

I guess the anathema to the romance was my photo. Or my reticence. Or shame (What? Me? Ashamed?).

It took me 3 months to fully let it go (although my ego sometimes entertains the thought of redemption) especially after realising how childish it was to have a crush on someone I’ve never even seen before when I already have the love from the people around me.

As for the unmentionables?

I can get the same eye-rolling high by working out in the gym.

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Status:Resigned but still doing OT(残業)

It’s nearly 11 pm soon.

I’m still at Dieco Healthcare.


I attempted to participate as a ROM in Tkmc san’s paintchat session this evening but had to leave just to focus on the crap in front of me.

The only thing that keeps me sane is that I’ve ‘graduated’ from Delete Touch and Tomatoes diet program as a senior.

Another blessing to count is that I’m merely a working senior for Dieco Healthcare.

There’s plenty of Milo and coffee in the pantry.

Plus, looking back, I’ve enjoyed those wonderful times when TOIL still existed.

So it still isn’t so bad (as compared to the current intake of assistants).

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3 Day Singapore Tour (YingさんのSP冒険w)

I caught a coach to Singapore with Ying at Puduraya station. I also caught a cold.
It’s the first time we travelled together alone at such a distance.

The ride was… cheap.
The food was… there’s no food.
The entertainment was… Scorpion King, all muscles and sex for the old folks travelling with us.

It was amazing we didn’t feel the least bit tired after arriving in Singapore 5 hours later and we headed to Liang Court to relish on Tampopo’s sexy Kurobuta ramen and loitering around Kinokuniya.

    Day Two

The next morning, we visited the Singapore Zoological Gardens.
It was raining and the animals were still asleep.
The sleeping otters were adorable but their odour wasn’t.
The smell was enhanced when they are awake. Urrgghhh….可愛くて臭い.

One of the most sought after exhibits was the white tiger.
It made headlines when a Sarawakan idiot jumped into the enclosure and made such a ruckus with a pail, the tigers decided to end everybody’s misery by turning him into cat food.
Aren’t they deceptively adorable?
The Sarawakan idiot has shown us that there’s danger behind that ball of cuteness and fur.
Another one would be the polar bear.
This is Inuka and he’s such a heart-rending cutie, he made the Japanese tourists go ‘きゃあぁvvv肉球!!!’.
Did you know that a polar bear’s fur is actually transparent?
And its skin is actually black?

We saw Squall, Warrior of Light and Frioniel!!!
Squall- Lionheart

Warrior of Light – Gnu of Light

Frioneil – the Frog/Toad, amphibian whatever

Dissidia obssession aside, we saw other interesting exhibits such as the indecent proboscis monkey with its phallic snout and exposed pe***.

Thus, no pictures were taken except this information board.

The Fragile Forest exhibit is by far the most enjoyable.
Visitors are allowed to get up close and personal with the animals inside a net enclosure.
There were parrots, squeaking ducks, crossing lesser mousedeer, harrassing giant pigeons, jackfruit-gnawing fruit bats, lemurs and butterflies.

After torturing our feeble legs for the whole day, we were famished.
Thanks to the exorbitant food prices in this zoological isolated location, we could only afford some measly kaya buttered toast at Ah Meng’s kopitiam.

The pathetic lunch at the zoo was compensated with dorayaki and caramel cream cake at ION’s food basement.
As usual, we went to Kinokuniya to loiter and we found our pixiv friend Kirara san’s true occupation:

    Day Three

We headed to City Hall for some Botejyu okonomiyaki only to find a long queue of hungry ghosts.
The area was teeming with foreign visitors and security forces all gravitating towards the F1 race track.
Disgusted by the lunchtime crowd, we headed for Marvellous Cream and the rich ice cream nestled in a crisp waffle bowl was heaven to my mouth.
We returned to Botejyu and found that the ghosts have returned home and the hell gates were closed.
The Moonlight Okos wasn’t as good as the Liang Court branch and it’s a dollar more expensive.
Well, it’s worth the convenience though.
Ying finally got the wireless router modem and we headed to Liang Court’s Kinokuniya and Meidiya supermarket to loiter some more.
After much loitering and listening to high school boys rave about Rozen Maiden being the most awesome thing god ever created (they are going to join the hungry ghosts in hell I presume), we went to Tampopo to have our final supper of orgasmic katsu dishes and kurobuta dumplings.

It was a pretty ordinary day… I got myself a toothbrush from the supermarket.

Everything was fine until I saw my EZlink card balance:


Yay, owatta.

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Here comes the Bridegroom!(次の結婚式は日本で?)

My cousin’s wedding is the best, most memorable weddings I’ve ever attended.

Mostly because of the high entertainment value and weird encounters.
It’s Malaysia after all.

Plus, the larger the crowd, the greater the probablility of silly things happening I guess.

My brother and I arrived in Kuala Lumpur in the afternoon and were escorted to my uncle’s house crammed full of old people.

The ratio of kids (ages 0 to 30 years ) to old people (ages 31 years and above) are 1 to 4.


The pre-wedding dinner was a sumptuous spread of fried tom yam rice, fried vermicelli, curry chicken, stir-fried veggies, fried calamari rings (deceptively soggy despite its crisp appearance), fried ‘ayamas’ chicken, indian rojak, leathery satay (in order of queue).
We kids were deceived by the look and smell of the fried calamari rings.
We lined ourselves around the calamari rings section to deter anyone from reaching the dish.
When we piled our plates and taken a bite of the calamari, it was … pure despair.

Disclaimer: The photo is taken after the guests cleared most of the food.
This is not the actual pre-wedding dinner spread although it resembles a typical Hari Raya dinner buffet. 

We kids had a very entertaining breakfast at the hotel the next morning, to the lovely Donald Duck rendition of some Hari Raya song. We made our way back to my uncle’s house to give our support to my cousin, who’s all dressed up to collect the bride.

Another cousin of mine is our driver-cum-babysitter and we trailed behind the motorcade festooned with white and pink ribbons. Along the way we saw an indian guy running with his arms swinging limply by his sides. Interesting.

The driver-cum-babysitter drove like an F1 driver, all Fast and Furious. 
We were clutching against our seats as he raced across the KL highways.
He was so ‘fast’ he  could hardly catch up with the damn electric blue car decorated with ribbons and pink gauze.

Thanks to the toll stations. we managed to pull behind the damn electric blue car.
One of the damn electric blue car’s passenger stuck his head out and looked at us, then behind us to check out for anymore losers trailing behind.
Ying san commented she thought he was going to give us the insulting thumbs down.

We finally reached the bride’s house and we kids were dressed so casually, anyone might mistake us for passersby who had just come back from the morning market and had decided to gatecrash a wedding.

In Chinese wedding  culture, the bridegroom has to undergo various obstacles to prove his worthiness to the bride and her loved ones.
Now who says that women are in an unfavourable position when it comes to Chinese traditions?
My brother and I thought of various ‘challenges’ for my future prospective husband such as licking the feet of all the bridesmaids and bestmen, eating durian mixed with natto et cetera. 
The photos show how my cousin was humiliated, from blowing eggplant shaped balloons to dancing like a Cantopop fan (both arms swinging slowly like a metronome to the music of ‘Dragonstea din Tei’), to making my cousin and his bestmen hump each other… sorry.


Speaking of humping, we caught sight of my driver-cum-babysitter cousin and my brother raping the roasted pig.
Sorry, they were moving the roasted pig to the car but the photo seemed to tell a different story.
But that’s not the end of it…


My cousin’s gramps had a go at the sucking pig.

That explains why the roasted pork was so finger-licking good. Sorry.

Back to the wedding, the official wedding manager (in red chinese top and black pants) known as ‘Tai kam cheh’ began the wedding rituals, shouting at the couple to bow to the deities and pay their respects to the ancestors.
Yes, shouting. She really sounded like she’s scolding  the couple or the deities.
The most unforgettable moment was when she tip toed in the kitchen, turned around and giggled. While going ‘hee-hee’, she picked up a cleaver and held it menacingly as if she was going to dismember a corpse.
We kids started to sweat in our casual pants.
We watched her dismember the pig skilfully, chopping and dividing the animal into 6 large pieces.

Next up, the much-awaited bridal bouquet toss.
A long-cherished tradition of the West where the person who catches the bouquet will be freed from the chains of singlehood.
My cousin Yen, (↑) who’s dating a Japanese, told us she’ll participate just to make it look more crowded.
She said she didn’t care if she could not get the bouquet.
But a minute later, she told us she actually does give a damn about it.

Both of us took our position at the right side and saw the bride motion at her bridesmaids that she was going to toss the bouquet towards the left.
She threw the flowers into the air and it landed with a ba-thump at my feet.
There was a heavy silence in the air for a moment as everyone stared at the lump of roses on the ground.

I yelled at Yen to pick up the flowers but she just stood there hesitating.
I grabbed her arm and thrusted her hand onto the rosy lump. GOAL!


Next year, she’ll be inviting me to her wedding in Japan.
I hope her dad won’t try to kill me.


Yen gave me a rose as commission for my effort. Somehow, I could sense malice behind me (Ying’s aunt looked like she’s ready to punch me ala Bruce Lee) … …


Ying san did a Dissidia version of this photo.

And finally, the wedding dinner.
We dressed up and ruminated on our cousin’s romantic

‘My money is your money. Your money is your money.’

love confession to his bride while waiting for the car.


My brother really looked like a scheming and tyrannical businessman who’s made it big in the city while his rural country mother sits next to him uneasily.
No worries, he’s actually quite harmless.
He might even give you a frappucino on the house.

DSC00044We girls noticed that the shoes each of us wore matched the dress the other was wearing.
Me in black dress but purple pumas. Ying in turquoise dress but black boots. Yen in purple dress but in turquoise sandals.


The dinner was good.
The service was within my expectations, which was pretty low to start since it’s Malaysia.

I got tipsy after a few glasses of red wine and was begging my cousin (driver-cum-babysitter-cum pork rapist) to bring me to the Ministry of Sound next door.
I became sober after I had a sip of the ‘çhampagne’ which the couple toasted everyone with onstage.

It was carbonated grape concentrate.

We also discovered that the towering bridal confection was a towering falsity made of coloured dough.

As long as there is LOVE, anyplace is paradise.

My brother is lovesick… … or he is just sick.


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Pixiv Pchat: First time as a host (初めに主催者になった)

Warning: If homosexuality and erotic representations offend you, please do not click the picture links below. You’ll regret it. I mean it.

Bored and eager to sketch some erotic garbage, I registered a paint chatroom and christened it ‘No Reservation’. The only regulation in my chatroom is to throw all reservations out of the window (自重禁止).


Invitation pic for my first Paint chat.

I didn’t expect to have more than 5 visitors to my chatroom when I put up the invitation on the day itself.

I was wrong. The numbers exceeded 15 people and when my modem sadistically denied me internet access for 10 mins at around 2am, after I got back to the chatroom, I was surprised to find not only the visitors still there waiting for me, there was a new visitor who just joined in the fun. That’s the power of the Light and the Wild Rose.www

Picture: Damedia (注:裸、カオス、薔薇)

Picture:  Post-Damedia (注:裸、カオス?)

Their kindness and friendliness are priceless. Conversing in Japanese can be likened to constipation for me. There’s so much to give but so little comes out. My vocabulary is close to zilch. 

When I held a 2nd paintchat last night, it was even more brazen than the first… with Ann san (A team), Aria san (A team), Wataru san, Kanako san, Kuroro san and her wife (KY team), Kirara san, Henda san et al.25julinvitation(blood)


Invitation pic of my 2nd paintchat last night.

There’s alot of delicious activities on all sides of the canvas. So much so that I wished I’ve got 4 pairs of eyes and an auto-screencapture function in takamin’s paintchat system.

Picture: Light cafe and Wild rose tea (注:裸、キス)

Picture: Icha Icha part 1 , Icha Icha part 2 , Icha Icha part 3, Icha Icha part 4 (注:裸、フェラ、とりあえずやばい事)

Oh, and I thought Takamichi san’s paintchat was the latest for the record (4 am). Last night, I ended my 2nd paintchat at 5.30 am (SP time).

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Pixiv Pchat:Frioniel Sandwich anyone? (R-18)

I’m getting eyebags… thanks to the late nights of passion, staring at my husband (Dell Inspiron) and fondling my daughter (Wacom Intuous).

Ok, I’ve gone pchatting again last night and this time, the main character theme is Frioniel. The participants were wild, highly amusing and very easy-going. They are just so lovely!!! The host Tamakichi san was very amiable and hospitable. They don’t seem to mind that I’m a non-Japanese nor my lousy Japanese. I’ve met a few condescending individuals in other pchats and most of the time I’m treated the way a gaijin is treated…alienated.

We started off drawing nekomimi Frio. My WOL got to put a leash on Hoshida san’s Frio. Then as the night wore on, things got a little R-18, as usual. They started discussing on their favourite coupling: Nobara x Another Frio, Nobara x Warrior of Light etc. The coupling they desired to see was Another Frio x Nobara x Another Frio. I didn’t really understand this combination and Ying san explained that it’s a threesome:  2 Another Frio and Nobara.

Me: 3P?!

テ●●● san: Nobara Sandwich.

Sandwich…yummy. And my ero instinct was piqued, resulting in the pic I did today. My favourite frame is the one where WOL’s shadow falls over the sandwich. Don’t ask me why. It’s my own artistic preference.


What followed later in the night (12am?) is too depraved to mention. So I’ll just upload some screenshots (Haaa?!). It’s exasperating for me with my limited Japanese vocabulary and lousy grammar. Out of desperation, I asked for everyone’s help to fill in the speech bubbles. It became ‘Feel free to fill in your favourite line’ event, officiated by Tamakichi san. It was a perfect group collaboration.


The funniest was I kept changing ‘partners’ because they had to go to bed and wake early for work the next day. My last partner was Kanako san who finally helped to bring the whole spectacle to a close.

I got 2 marriage proposals last night… (-///-)

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PSP: Reunion with Dissidia

Apologies for not updating my blog in a ‘timely manner’ . This audit business is really restricting my vocabulary. うぼぁあー
The peak is finally over.
これは自由だ。残業の日々もう終わった。Freedom!!! Otaku life, here I come!!! \(^o^)/
And all things which I’ve neglected for almost half a year have finally come to my attention.
My beloved PSP. The KL trip helped me to reconcile with my dearly beloved handheld console. Ying san is always the inspiration. This time, she’s got me hooked onto Dissidia, probably the hottest PSP game Square Enix has to offer after Crisis Core (which by the way, is perpetually suspended in the Shinra Mansion chapter. I can’t bear to watch Zack’s inevitable demise.Noooooo!!!!!)
Ying san got me started by thrashing my characters in online battles, collecting artifacts and to level up quickly using Magic Pot to transfer her 9,999 Brave points accumulated from battering my Warrior of Light. With 9,999 Brave points, it’s a one hit kill for a level 100 character. This technique is much used with ExDeath sensei (level 100) in Quick Battle mode. As he walks dreadfully slow despite his unique teleportation ability, defeating him is possible, even for a level 1 character.
Since then, I’m fondling my PSP every day, getting my Cosmos team to level up to 100 with ExDeath sensei’s help and completing every character’s story mode.
Now my current muse is Warrior of Light. (Haahaa) He’s a potential tsundere and one of the most popular Dissidia characters to be drawn by the Pixiv community. Frioniel took the top place (thanks to his everlasting virginity and unbeatable tsundereness from FF2 history) and Ying san is totally ga-ga over him.童貞はいいじゃないか?ただだし。And initially I thought I was going to go ga-ga over Cloud and Sephiroth from FF7. Although Sephiroth’s Another Form still mesmerizes me.
I’m getting a little active in Pixiv now, mostly to participate in oekakichat held on weekends. Looks like oekakibbs is going to be left in the cold for quite some time until the Dissidia fever dies down for me…
And thanks to Pixiv, I’m reacquainting myself with SAI tool which I’ve not touched since the prehistoric ages. It’s a pretty friendly tool to use in terms of touch sensitivity compared to Photoshop although functions are comparably limited. But I still can’t figure outwhere the text tool is because the software is all in Chinese. あぁーうぼぁー

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Happy post V-day

Wow, it’s been a while… I almost forgot how to use wordpress. Maybe because there’s too much I’d like to write about. (or too little?)
Valentine’s day… I went to sight fixed assets of an American manufacturer of writing instruments. It was the same client whom Mrs Milthorpe and I got dragged into by the Pakistani (update:from undisclosed sources, he was forced to resign last year due to obvious work-related reasons)
Anyhoo~ now I’m in a loooooooooooong engagement with HellDamnBig. It’s COLOSSAL. I have no idea if we can meet the deadline in May but so far, thanks to their energy-saving and security systems, we get to go home before 9pm.

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1st Day of Pre-advanced Japanese Language Course(日本語のレッスン第一課)


Night sensei was very friendly and full of energy. Without her, I think the class would have been so awkwardly silent and boring. The class size is liliputian, 8 people excluding the instructor.
The fun part of the lesson is when she showed us a video of a Japanese and a chinese in a scenario. The Chinese was looking at the sign and asked the Japanese how to read the words 「お忘れ物取り扱い所」 meaning Lost and Found. He said “お忘れ物取り…”… I wanted to flip the desk over. Seriously, a Chinese would surely know what it means just by reading the kanji and the best was he could pronounce the words on the sign which have no hiragana. The Japanese who always tries not to look directly at the Chinese replied robotically “ああーあれは「おーわーすーれーモーのーとーりーあーつーかいーじょ」。”(だせぇ。マジで日本人かい?)
Next, Night sensei tried to teach us and make us read the phrases ending with 中(chuu).
She kept repeating ‘chuu chuu chuu’ and the best was the phrase 出張中’shuchouchuu’. I can’t help but say ‘あの…先生、キスはたくさんです♪’
She looked surprised and then doubled over,covering her face and laughing embarrassedly.テラかわゆっすv
Just like Ying san, I probably have ‘sukebe ossan’ tendencies.(>3<)
After the class, I met up with Ying san for dinner and a 30 min stroll around Kinokuniya. Just 5 mins before closing time, I grabbed 2 books of Nakamura Hikaru’s「セイントおにいさん」(Saint Young Men). I’ve been looking out for the manga since I saw fanart of these characters in oebbs. I’m so glad it finally arrived in Singapore www Who would have thought of the 2 major religious figures being the best of chums?

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