Monthly Archives: September 2009

3 Day Singapore Tour (YingさんのSP冒険w)

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I caught a coach to Singapore with Ying at Puduraya station. I also caught a cold.
It’s the first time we travelled together alone at such a distance.

The ride was… cheap.
The food was… there’s no food.
The entertainment was… Scorpion King, all muscles and sex for the old folks travelling with us.

It was amazing we didn’t feel the least bit tired after arriving in Singapore 5 hours later and we headed to Liang Court to relish on Tampopo’s sexy Kurobuta ramen and loitering around Kinokuniya.

    Day Two

The next morning, we visited the Singapore Zoological Gardens.
It was raining and the animals were still asleep.
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The sleeping otters were adorable but their odour wasn’t.
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The smell was enhanced when they are awake. Urrgghhh….可愛くて臭い.

One of the most sought after exhibits was the white tiger.
It made headlines when a Sarawakan idiot jumped into the enclosure and made such a ruckus with a pail, the tigers decided to end everybody’s misery by turning him into cat food.
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Aren’t they deceptively adorable?
The Sarawakan idiot has shown us that there’s danger behind that ball of cuteness and fur.
Another one would be the polar bear.
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This is Inuka and he’s such a heart-rending cutie, he made the Japanese tourists go ‘きゃあぁvvv肉球!!!’.
Did you know that a polar bear’s fur is actually transparent?
And its skin is actually black?

We saw Squall, Warrior of Light and Frioniel!!!
Squall- Lionheart
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Warrior of Light – Gnu of Light
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Frioneil – the Frog/Toad, amphibian whatever
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Dissidia obssession aside, we saw other interesting exhibits such as the indecent proboscis monkey with its phallic snout and exposed pe***.

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Thus, no pictures were taken except this information board.

The Fragile Forest exhibit is by far the most enjoyable.
Visitors are allowed to get up close and personal with the animals inside a net enclosure.
There were parrots, squeaking ducks, crossing lesser mousedeer, harrassing giant pigeons, jackfruit-gnawing fruit bats, lemurs and butterflies.
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After torturing our feeble legs for the whole day, we were famished.
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Thanks to the exorbitant food prices in this zoological isolated location, we could only afford some measly kaya buttered toast at Ah Meng’s kopitiam.

The pathetic lunch at the zoo was compensated with dorayaki and caramel cream cake at ION’s food basement.
As usual, we went to Kinokuniya to loiter and we found our pixiv friend Kirara san’s true occupation:
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    Day Three

We headed to City Hall for some Botejyu okonomiyaki only to find a long queue of hungry ghosts.
The area was teeming with foreign visitors and security forces all gravitating towards the F1 race track.
Disgusted by the lunchtime crowd, we headed for Marvellous Cream and the rich ice cream nestled in a crisp waffle bowl was heaven to my mouth.
We returned to Botejyu and found that the ghosts have returned home and the hell gates were closed.
The Moonlight Okos wasn’t as good as the Liang Court branch and it’s a dollar more expensive.
Well, it’s worth the convenience though.
Ying finally got the wireless router modem and we headed to Liang Court’s Kinokuniya and Meidiya supermarket to loiter some more.
After much loitering and listening to high school boys rave about Rozen Maiden being the most awesome thing god ever created (they are going to join the hungry ghosts in hell I presume), we went to Tampopo to have our final supper of orgasmic katsu dishes and kurobuta dumplings.

It was a pretty ordinary day… I got myself a toothbrush from the supermarket.

Everything was fine until I saw my EZlink card balance:

$8.01

Yay, owatta.

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Here comes the Bridegroom!(次の結婚式は日本で?)

My cousin’s wedding is the best, most memorable weddings I’ve ever attended.

Mostly because of the high entertainment value and weird encounters.
It’s Malaysia after all.

Plus, the larger the crowd, the greater the probablility of silly things happening I guess.

My brother and I arrived in Kuala Lumpur in the afternoon and were escorted to my uncle’s house crammed full of old people.

The ratio of kids (ages 0 to 30 years ) to old people (ages 31 years and above) are 1 to 4.

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The pre-wedding dinner was a sumptuous spread of fried tom yam rice, fried vermicelli, curry chicken, stir-fried veggies, fried calamari rings (deceptively soggy despite its crisp appearance), fried ‘ayamas’ chicken, indian rojak, leathery satay (in order of queue).
We kids were deceived by the look and smell of the fried calamari rings.
We lined ourselves around the calamari rings section to deter anyone from reaching the dish.
When we piled our plates and taken a bite of the calamari, it was … pure despair.

Disclaimer: The photo is taken after the guests cleared most of the food.
This is not the actual pre-wedding dinner spread although it resembles a typical Hari Raya dinner buffet. 

 
We kids had a very entertaining breakfast at the hotel the next morning, to the lovely Donald Duck rendition of some Hari Raya song. We made our way back to my uncle’s house to give our support to my cousin, who’s all dressed up to collect the bride.

Another cousin of mine is our driver-cum-babysitter and we trailed behind the motorcade festooned with white and pink ribbons. Along the way we saw an indian guy running with his arms swinging limply by his sides. Interesting.

The driver-cum-babysitter drove like an F1 driver, all Fast and Furious. 
We were clutching against our seats as he raced across the KL highways.
He was so ‘fast’ he  could hardly catch up with the damn electric blue car decorated with ribbons and pink gauze.

Thanks to the toll stations. we managed to pull behind the damn electric blue car.
One of the damn electric blue car’s passenger stuck his head out and looked at us, then behind us to check out for anymore losers trailing behind.
Ying san commented she thought he was going to give us the insulting thumbs down.

We finally reached the bride’s house and we kids were dressed so casually, anyone might mistake us for passersby who had just come back from the morning market and had decided to gatecrash a wedding.

In Chinese wedding  culture, the bridegroom has to undergo various obstacles to prove his worthiness to the bride and her loved ones.
Now who says that women are in an unfavourable position when it comes to Chinese traditions?
My brother and I thought of various ‘challenges’ for my future prospective husband such as licking the feet of all the bridesmaids and bestmen, eating durian mixed with natto et cetera. 
The photos show how my cousin was humiliated, from blowing eggplant shaped balloons to dancing like a Cantopop fan (both arms swinging slowly like a metronome to the music of ‘Dragonstea din Tei’), to making my cousin and his bestmen hump each other… sorry.
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Speaking of humping, we caught sight of my driver-cum-babysitter cousin and my brother raping the roasted pig.
Sorry, they were moving the roasted pig to the car but the photo seemed to tell a different story.
But that’s not the end of it…

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My cousin’s gramps had a go at the sucking pig.

That explains why the roasted pork was so finger-licking good. Sorry.

 
Back to the wedding, the official wedding manager (in red chinese top and black pants) known as ‘Tai kam cheh’ began the wedding rituals, shouting at the couple to bow to the deities and pay their respects to the ancestors.
Yes, shouting. She really sounded like she’s scolding  the couple or the deities.
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The most unforgettable moment was when she tip toed in the kitchen, turned around and giggled. While going ‘hee-hee’, she picked up a cleaver and held it menacingly as if she was going to dismember a corpse.
We kids started to sweat in our casual pants.
We watched her dismember the pig skilfully, chopping and dividing the animal into 6 large pieces.

Next up, the much-awaited bridal bouquet toss.
A long-cherished tradition of the West where the person who catches the bouquet will be freed from the chains of singlehood.
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My cousin Yen, (↑) who’s dating a Japanese, told us she’ll participate just to make it look more crowded.
She said she didn’t care if she could not get the bouquet.
But a minute later, she told us she actually does give a damn about it.

Both of us took our position at the right side and saw the bride motion at her bridesmaids that she was going to toss the bouquet towards the left.
She threw the flowers into the air and it landed with a ba-thump at my feet.
There was a heavy silence in the air for a moment as everyone stared at the lump of roses on the ground.

I yelled at Yen to pick up the flowers but she just stood there hesitating.
I grabbed her arm and thrusted her hand onto the rosy lump. GOAL!

 

Next year, she’ll be inviting me to her wedding in Japan.
I hope her dad won’t try to kill me.

 

Yen gave me a rose as commission for my effort. Somehow, I could sense malice behind me (Ying’s aunt looked like she’s ready to punch me ala Bruce Lee) … …

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Ying san did a Dissidia version of this photo.
Noooooooooooobara!!!!!!!!!!

And finally, the wedding dinner.
We dressed up and ruminated on our cousin’s romantic

‘My money is your money. Your money is your money.’

love confession to his bride while waiting for the car.

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My brother really looked like a scheming and tyrannical businessman who’s made it big in the city while his rural country mother sits next to him uneasily.
No worries, he’s actually quite harmless.
He might even give you a frappucino on the house.

DSC00044We girls noticed that the shoes each of us wore matched the dress the other was wearing.
Me in black dress but purple pumas. Ying in turquoise dress but black boots. Yen in purple dress but in turquoise sandals.

 

The dinner was good.
The service was within my expectations, which was pretty low to start since it’s Malaysia.

I got tipsy after a few glasses of red wine and was begging my cousin (driver-cum-babysitter-cum pork rapist) to bring me to the Ministry of Sound next door.
I became sober after I had a sip of the ‘çhampagne’ which the couple toasted everyone with onstage.

It was carbonated grape concentrate.

We also discovered that the towering bridal confection was a towering falsity made of coloured dough.

As long as there is LOVE, anyplace is paradise.

My brother is lovesick… … or he is just sick.

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Status: More dung!(コンチキショー仕事が辞めたい)

The ResourceMutilatingTerrorists have issued updated portfolios to us.
Oh wow, more dung with December year ends that come in pellets.
And yes, foreign, alien excreta from god knows where.

Total crap list is now 10. 
Hooray!

And I’m expecting a familiar giant load called SeriousMentalBreakdown at the end of the year when the auditor in charge tenders in November.
The poor chap had no idea what the company was about and is now drowning in 85+ pages of PSPM.
And yeah, the abolishment of TOIL sweetens the aroma.

I should start looking for a job now.
The problem is, the pros of audit is mobility and opportunities to interact with different people from all strata of the organisation, which I like.
Is there a job with similar characteristics?
Oh yeah! The glam position of Pantry lady.
This position allows one the chance to interact and exchange information with anyone who steps into the pantry for some refreshment.
Even the CEO needs his coffee fix too, no?
The cons of the job is no different from that of an auditor.
No one really gives a damn about your opinion and in the worst case, see you as a vendingventing machine for them to channel their negative energies out in the form of insults.
The General Cleaner position also affords the applicant the same opportunities but is hygienically challenging.
In addition, one has to face the very thing which everyone is writing resignation letters for: Dung.

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I’ve Got A New Boyfriend (Asus U80Vを買った!)

After 6 years of faithful service, 2 hard disk replacements and 3 fatal crashes, my Dell inspiron 600m is finally put to rest.

Amen.

Things started getting bad after a software update. So horrible that I couldn’t even run Java or play an avi. movie smoothly.

I had no choice but to lug my office laptop to and from home on every working day and happily, there”s no optical disk drive nor user access to install programs.

That meant using my pen tablet like a bloody mouse with a shivering cursor and uncalibrated area.

It’s a physical torture to my wrist especially during paintchat sessions where I had no guts to sketch in case the cursor suddenly took a mind of its own and scrawls across some poor chap’s art work. Oh, and the shitty lines are an excellent dampener on my confidence. 

So… after weeks of scratching my pen tablet and watching minutes tick by as the Dell laptop tries desperately to squeeze an update download byte by byte, COMEX finally came.

I decided to zero in on Asus after visiting some tech forums and gathering insider advice of certain competing manufacturers.

Reliabilty and customer aftercare was one of my priority requirements before making a hardware purchase, kudos to those insufferable periods of anxiety when the Dell laptop decided to fail me.

I headed for COMEX in Suntec City Convention Centre on the 3rd day (Sat), at 12 noon which was the opening time. The linkway to the  convention centre was utterly thronging with people. I had to swim through the human flotsam, dodging baby strollers and flyer distributors, only to drown in more human bodies.

Impatient, I took the staircase and got lost in the labyrinth of hidden toilets and doors with restricted access. It’s really scary especially when I found myself at a dead-end on each floor and each turn. Imagine being chased by a chainsaw-toting psychopath in Suntec… It’s a definite Game Over for me.

Finally, I found an exit and reached the COMEX site. True to anyone’s expectations, it’s a hive of sales activity as exhibitors yelled discounts and tempting prices at bargain hunters. More dodging and side-steps and I finally reached the Asus booth.

I asked for the U80V for it’s sexy HD monitor, titilating keyboard and touchpad, average CPU, free Windows 7 upgrade and the substantial freebies like a 320GB portable storage disk. The salesperson gave me a $100 discount and announced that the last unit of this model has already been sold. Yea, so that another person who’s been wanting this model can lie in wait with a chainsaw to relieve my new notebook of its owner.

And below, is how my new boyfriend looks like.

After ironing out the annoying Vista hiccups, my pen tablet felt soooo good and comfortable to use. It’s almost orgasmic for my drawing hand.
I’ve spent the past few months dragging cursors all over the screen and praying hard that the cursor would suppress its Parkinson’s in a java environment.

Dell laptop/ Lenovo without the pen tablet driver installed properly (WOL and Frioneil)
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Pen tablet driver successfully installed in U80V (WOL with rose)

The battery life lasted for 8 hours, compared to my office laptop which had a battery change recently but still cannot last beyond 3 hours. The new laptop is surprisingly cool after leaving it on for 3 hours whereas my wrists start to broil 15 mins after the office laptop was switched on. 

What more can I ask? He’s cool at all times but oozes with sweat-inducing sexiness and responds to my every touch in the dark.

Our honeymoon night was wonderful. So good that I stayed up till 6.45 in the morning…

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Status: Here Comes the Dung

An email arrived in my inbox just now.

It’s from the ResourceMutilatingTeam executive.

I’m given 4 engagements with Dec year ends and 1 with June year end.

OHMYFUCKINGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the ResourceMassacreingTeam executive expects me to come up with the staff requisition form and shit by 18th Sept.

I feel nauseated.

The worst was all 4 of these colossal shitballs are new to me.

The only one which I am a tad familiar with was the gaming company Creeptology(post).

I’m in flight mode now. No use fighting the rolling shit mountain.

Oh yeah, there’s no more TOIL policy.

AAAAAAAARRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!

 

\誰か助けてぇぇぇぇ!!!/

( ;゜Д゜) ●●.=

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