HellDamnBig: Chronicles of a dung-picker

Once upon a time, in a village called Twapa Yo, there was a family made up of 3 generations. Grandfather and grandmother, father and mother, 4 lovely daughters, 4 sons and a dog. Grandpa Ernst and Grandma Patty ran a nice little family business of dung-picking called ‘DungTastesTerrific’ in the village. The lord that rules the village of Twapa Yo is their only customer, the colossal HighlyDevelopedBum. There are other villagers running the same business of dung-picking such as Messrs. PeeWithCare, KrapPooMeansGold and EverYuck. Since the beginning of time, every springtime, HighlyDevelopedBum excretes a dunghill of such monstrous proportions, a map was created to differentiate each shit pile by activity. A royal dung-picker was sent to shovel this multi-storey muck from one spring to the next.
One day, the royal dung picker decided to lay his golden shovel to rest. With no dung-picker to move the evergrowing excreta around, HighlyDevelopedBum held a price contest to select the best dung-picker of the village. No one in the village could defeat DungTastesTerrific when it comes to a price contest. Passed down from generations is an enchanted shovel which halves the price and doubles the dung. It is with this shovel that Grandpa Ernst’s brother succeeded in earning the endless supply of dung from the Sing-and-Tell kingdom.
After having won the contest, Grandpa Ernst and Grandma Patty bade their son, Al Beetee and his wife, Veetee, to them. ‘My good son, I shall entrust you with the hard task of shovelling this new muck mountain. Do not fear the terrifying stinking heights nor the brown steaming abyss. With your wife and children, you can move mountains (of dung). Here are the spoons and begone.’
The children were called forth and every child was given a spoon. The mother then marched them off towards the massive muck mountain, keeping the youngest son called Angoose close to her.

……………..to be continued…………

This is dedicated to all the HellDamnBig team members earning no more than $2,800 a month. Frankly, I got a little sad when Mother told me this evening she’s sending me to another dung pile. Thank you for the happy times despite the long, tiring nights and weekends wandering in the muck mountain. You made the stink tolerable with our great camaraderie and mad jokes. Dry Ban Mian, canine testicular issues, Koi bubble tea, buying mineral water, Tiong Bahru cuisine, TPX, white board vandalism etc will always be in my memory.


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Filed under Revelations on work, The Funny and the weird

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