I think I can understand why I have a clean history of being single (can’t say the same for the contents in my mind…so filthy).
Ooh, and so proud to have never been in a boy-girl relationship.
I can’t get enough of myself. I love spending every minute, every second with me.
So much so I don’t like to share with anyone. Maybe that’s why I don’t even bother preening to look good for others as long as I like what I see in the mirror.
The thought of being in a typical so-called ‘romantic’ relationship with another man is enough to make my armpit hairs stand. I came to this revelation when a bloke I met on the street today told me he ‘had feelings for me’. After he had his hand on my butt. F*ck. If I had a d*ck, I’d ram it hard up his ass for touching what’s mine.
Now I understand why guys go crazy when they see another guy with their girl. I guess I have to thank this bloke for making me realise what I want in life.
And plus, I met this really lovely lady while waiting at the pedestrian crossing. It was drizzling and I was trying to dodge the bloke’s hand. She smiled and offered to cover me with her umbrella. And I fell in love with her (not the Sapphic kind). It’s a small gesture but very big in kindness. I totally forgot about the bloke.
The lesson I learnt today from these 2 persons is the difference between love and lust. Nowadays, people mistake lust for love (cannot say the same the other way round, thank goodness). The shit we see on TV and at the movies… that’s lust. What the bloke did was obviously due to a certain part in his physical being although he seems to think it’s lurrve. He wanted to get something out of befriending me.
I never expected kindness in the CBD area on a cold rainy day. Not pushing one into a puddle is kindness enough. But the lady who smiled and shared her umbrella with me, what she did was really love. The selfless love for a person, to give and to share with a complete stranger. I didn’t even know her name. But she made me want to be a better person and I never felt more happy at that moment. And the best thing is, it leaves such a nice warm feeling inside which lasts for many days (unlike sex which only lasts for 5 mins). Isn’t it phenomenal how a small thing could be so ecstatically big to another person?
That is the kind of love I want in my life. Because it’s given freely, it’s priceless.
*Probably because I spend so much time freely with myself and I don’t want anything out of myself (or others), I’ve become an incurable narcissist. I love you, me.