Living Alone for A Day

parfum leau fenix-yea right 

I thought I couldn’t I thought I couldn’t…

But I could.

I could survive alone in the house for a day.

How did I end up in this situation?

My maid has gone to Myanmar for a week, my brother is stuck in camp doing national service and dad had an all-important business meeting in Kuala Lumpur.

I thought I was going to starve to death because I don’t know how to cook a proper meal. I can’t even light the stove for god’s sake! Furthermore, I’m prone to panic attacks and dizziness so living alone is a big test on my sanity.

That evening, I was already filled with anxiety and trepidation that I decided to have fish head beehoon for dinner, a definite comfort food to calm the senses. I dragged my tired body all the way to the hawker centre after work and shit. The damn stall’s closed.

So I bought some shitty preserved veggie duck soup from the neighbouring stall and headed home. I was so braindead I pressed the doorbell only to remember that there’s NOBODY to open the stupid door. After grumbling and digging for the stupid keys to unlock the stupid door, I finally let myself in.

Of course nature called and I went to the loo to answer it. Just as I stepped out, the mat under my feet slid forwards and I executed a half gymnastic split onto the floor. I don’t know how many F**K’s issued out of my mouth but I was amazed I didn’t pull a muscle or dislodge a spinal disc.

That’s shit encounter One.

I dragged myself to the kitchen and tried to find the rice pot so I can burn some rice for dinner. F**k, where the f**k is the rice pot? I see the rice cooker but no pot to put rice and water in. Dizzy with hunger, I opened the fridge and voila, there’s the rice pot with alot of stale rice in it.

Ok, old rice has been chucked into the bin and now I gotta cook a fresh batch.

I crouched to the lower cupboard where the rice bin is and took out a cup of rice. Suddenly…

A f**king brown thing sprang from the bag in front of the bin!

It’s a f**king baby cockroach! It landed on its back and started to struggle.

Dry up and die you f**king shit, I said as my heart pounded against my chest.

That’s shit encounter Two.

Ping! The rice cooker announced 2 mins later that the rice is ready for consumption.

I opened the cover and slammed it shut. All I saw was rice grains still swimming in water.

F**k I can’t even cook rice!!!

That’s shit encounter Three.

I searched the fridge for food and found a plastic bag of leftover vegetable. No idea what they are cos as long as it’s green, it’s vegetable. I chucked the veggie onto a sizzling pan and covered it. It was one minute later when I smelled something burn.

I didn’t know vegetables can burn so easily.

I drowned the scorching veggies in sukiyaki sauce and cracked 2 eggs over the mess, praying that I won’t have to crunch on charcoal for dinner with half-cooked rice and shitty soup.

Finally the stupid rice cooker ping-ed once more and this time, the rice looked fit for consumption. I plopped the egg-sukiyaki sauce-veggies into a bowl and voila… my dinner.

oishisou-janai.

For the rest of the night… I sat in front of my PC oebbsing.

The next morning, I headed for work…. … 1 hour later than usual. On the way to the station, a f**king mini car nearly ran me over. I nearly gave him the finger but I stopped my third finger from erecting itself as there’s a kid in the passenger seat.

That’s the last shit encounter.

What did I learn from living solo for a day?

  1. I can say the F-word so many times.
  2. I can cook…. maybe.
  3. If I marry, I need a husband who can be my personal chef and butler.
  4. That’s why my family thinks I should not marry but get a maid and a nurse instead.
  5. My grade for Home Economics should be F.
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6 Comments

Filed under Personally exposed, The Funny and the weird

6 responses to “Living Alone for A Day

  1. こんばんは^^

    とても忙しい^^;日だったんですね
    If I marry, I need a husband who can be my personal chef and butler.>(笑)

    卵、美味しそうですー!すき焼きソース??

    全部日本語でごめんなさい、失礼しましたー
    では!

  2. パルミラ

    こんばんは。 お久しぶりです。
    トンカツの卵とじに似てますね。 
    コックさん雇わなくても、十分お上手だと思いますよ。
    おいしそう!

    私のBlogにもコメント、ありがとうございました。
    モリモリ食べて、また明日からお互いバリバリ働きましょうね(^-^)

    Arzenさんが なんくるないさ を覚えていてくれたから、
    では、今夜の挨拶は沖縄言葉で失礼します。

    あんせーや!(See You!)

  3. rong

    dear, ur cooking is really cool and it looks edible. i’m so proud of you! @_@ oh ya, i dreamt of u and ur bro last nite… -_-||| i wonder why… but i don’t even recall the content. i only remember i saw 2 of u… plus a huge computer that has 2 screens… i’m going a bit mad… heh

  4. Ying

    I hope I was there to cook for you, though veggie and rice are the only thing I could cook. Usually I simply eat instant noodle+veggie+egg when I’m home alone…

  5. ちはやさん>コメントありがとうー!
    そうですね!ひとりで暮らしたらだめだと思います。orz
    メードは必要です。
    うふ。あの時、すき焼きソースだけあされません。(–;)

    パルミラさん>おひさしぶり!(^ヮ^)
    パルミラさんがここに来て、とてもうれしいです!
    えへっへーこの卵の中心に焦げ野菜を隠します…
    ところで、email add. ありがとうございます!

    rong>Hey dear! Care to try it? There’s a black surprise inside…
    I think your brain’s overloaded with Int Fin.
    Or maybe you have telepathic powers cos bro and me love to sit in front of the computer and stare.
    Gambatte dear! 1 more week and no more exams for the rest of your life.(except for CPA)

    Ying> (0Д0) Rice and veggie…
    Thanks for the offer… but urm… rice and veggie…
    What about kinoko?

  6. I’m afraid you won’t be able to work next day if you ate THAT kinoko…

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