My Brother’s A Retard…

…actually, he’s really good at playing one.

Me with a bad acne breakout and my retarded ototo.
Today, he is going into the S’pore Civil Defence Force to do National Service as the 103th batch of wide-eyed, apron-string-twirling pansies. He will be enjoying the luxurious dorm facilities, complete with a princess-sized spring mattress and knitted blankets tonight. Every month he will be given a $300 allowance to spend anything he likes, it’s a lot compared to the measly $120 the military recruits get in Pulau Tekong. Plus, the medical centre is a 5 storey, fully air-conditioned complex that puts SGH to shame. To top it off, he’ll be home every weekend. That means I’ll be blinded by his shiny shaven scalp this Friday evening.

The only blot to this wonderful getaway is the daily physical training exercises. But I don’t worry since his acting skills are of Oscar-winning standards. He can squeeze tears out of the hardest stone. The only thing he can’t squeeze is a cent out of me.

I must say it is a wonderful thing he will be trained to rescue lives and save property instead of learning to take out lives in the military but what an irony… He’s a proficient destroyer of many things.

Chronologically, from the time when he was only 6 years old, he has set a warehouse on fire, burnt a car windscreen with fireworks,cut electrical cables,killed 4 video game consoles, nearly murdered my PC, demolished the bed frame by jumping on it, destroyed 2 mattresses with his spit,rendered the on/off button of the TV useless, broke the handle of the toilet flush, split the shower head holder to 2 … … 

Think twice before you call 995. He could be the one despatched to your area.

Anyway, it’s nice to see him getting ordered around by the commander. It’s so funny because my brother’s 1.85 meters tall and the commander’s a fat brown midget. Anyone who stands next to him becomes a hobbit.

Yeap. An apron-string-twirling pansy with my maid/aunt.



Filed under Personally exposed, The Funny and the weird

2 responses to “My Brother’s A Retard…

  1. rong

    dear, it’s really amazing, the way you wrote about your brother. it makes me wanna laugh… haha. but is this a recent photo? how come it’s as though he’s much rounder as compared to the time when he’s at my house? and ya, ur maid is really in love with him…

  2. Arzen

    Hey dearie!!!
    This photo’s taken on 13/03/06 before he joined the SCDF 103rd intake.
    (that’s a lot of 1 and 3’s)
    He’s probably fattened by you and your mom. Haha!!!
    In the photos he’s actually stooping to accomodate her limited height. A monster yea?

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