When the Faithless Goes to Temple…

I went to the temple of the Goddess of Mercy with my aunt/maid yesterday not just as an excuse to get a half day leave from Ganasaikang.

I had a need to seek some divine help from these months of bad health and mental torment.

When the faithless go to seek divine help, it is a sign that they have exhausted means to help themselves and this is the last resort. I never had much faith(religion) and most of the time when I offer incense, it’s a gesture of formality. I used to go to church in my high school days (since it’s a Catholic school) and these guys in church always say “You must have faith in God”. I didn’t really get it at that time. Why must you believe in something that’s intangible, invisible and a figment of imagination? One can’t always rely on this invisible being alone, expecting it to drop food and clothes from the sky.

At that time, I only believed in the tangible because I had so much hope and faith in myself that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to.

Now, things are different. I’ve never felt so weak, so lost,so afraid to die and yet wanted to die so I won’t have to suffer anymore. I no longer believe I’m mentally and physically strong enough to chase the dreams I abandoned 4 years ago.

Everyday I only concern myself with controlling my panic attacks and emotional turbulence, hiding it so I can appear as my normal self. My aching body feels like it’s going to give anytime. I have no idea what kind of disease this is. I really wish it’s a physical problem, like Addison’s disease or what not. But the doctors back then said it’s only an anxiety attack.
(0_0) (F–k them.)

I prayed earnestly for health and happiness (and a compassionate DT manager). My aunt got me those chopsticks where you play the game of probability by shaking the container until one chopstick with a number on it falls out. After tossing and shaking for 10 mins with a few breaks in between, one chopstick finally came out.

The guys gave me a thin, pink slip of paper and after reading it, I finally understood why people believe in gods they cannot see. In this case, why so many people and millionaires flock to this temple.

The slip of paper read: A pagoda erected at a great cost. It gleams from every angle. Be a bit more pious and pray. Heaven will bless you for what you are doing.

And below that paragraph is the interpretation: You have luck. People see it. Do not worry. Many good times are ahead.
Very thin...
This is what I want to read to keep me going. Who could expect such a small thin piece of crepe to save a person’s hopes and give so much comfort and courage to face another day?


1 Comment

Filed under Personally exposed

One response to “When the Faithless Goes to Temple…

  1. rong

    dear, be more pious k? sometimes, it’s the intangible that truly manages our life… live with it la yea? =) accepting it will relax you more than fighting against it… serious.

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