Monthly Archives: May 2006

Renovating Arzen’s Picturehouse + Nana Wallpapers from Arzen’s Studio

This blog’s gone ascrew, technically. My recent entry ‘Shoes'(Tues) was submitted after the ‘Nana’ entry(Sun) but it’s date appears as Sunday.
I’m gonna have to change this blog’s layout and format soon. For the time being, I’ll try to keep my entries short in case it travels back in time and ends up in some earlier date.

Right now, I’m hooked at making wallpapers using Nana material. Thanks to Miss 1wRong’s Nana craze and gushes of encouragement. She’s completed all 58 chapters of the manga within a week after all. Just click on the pic, right-click save and use them to beautify your desktops. The white empty spaces should be enough for the desktop icons.
Today’s an interesting day! Miss 1wRong is so sweet!She made me a Nana personality pro-File. Yep! It’s a print of Oosaki Nana and the common traits from my results of the Nana personality generator. And it’s encased in a pink file so the paper won’t get crumpled!How thoughtful can she get?!
Now she’s a fan of my maid’s cooking too after I brought the Burmese braised fish for her to sample. We ended up feeling bloated after stuffing ourselves with yong tau fu, rice(a historic event for 1wRong) and immediately, red bean ice. Totally incapacitated for any form of exercise, we ended up spending the whole afternoon in her club’s room.

This evening, after my shower, I proceeded to hang the foaming puff to dry on the hook of my window. The ribbon did not catch the hook and it dropped onto the space between the aircon and the window. I need the length of 2 arms to reach for it and it was so dark. Shit~there goes my $9 puff. Until my eyes fell onto a wire clothes hanger.
*POW* Hook+wire=foaming puff fishing rod
I unbent the hanger into a thin wire rod with the hook and the end, asked my maid for a torchlight and after a few vibrating moments(was keeping the giggles in from jeopardizing the rescue mission), I fished the dusty puff up.
Now I understand Prof. J.J.’s HRO concept. Act first, plan later. I did not plan for the puff to drop but was able to act on salvaging the situation before it turns black from dust. Over emphasis in planning actually hinders mindfulness. I would have failed to notice the clothes hanger if I planned too much in replacing the puff.

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Filed under Personally exposed, Sexy stuff, The Funny and the weird


How long have they been walking with you and where did they go with you?

I just started thinking sentimentally about my blue pair of Adidas sneakers after a gym session with Miss 1wRong where we started talking about sports shoes while stretching.I got them at Queensway Shopping centre when I was in Anderson JC with a class friend, Unicorn. They are teal blue with grey stripes and ‘Samoa’ printed on the side, size 8 and the soles have many tiny Adidas logos which leaves imprints on soft wet ground. I still remember what the sales guy recommended me when I told him my tight budget:”Light blue suits girls, so sweet. Why don’t you try this?”

From then on, I never leave for school without slipping into them. I walked in them, scaling the peaks and descending the valleys of life. They have touched the ground in Malaysia, Thailand and Myanmar, walked the same grounds where the ancients have walked on many many years ago. During rainy days, it kept my toes dry as I dodge puddles but when it rained torrents, it kept my toes totally soaked as I feel the rain water slosh between them. Whenever I was at my lowest point, like when I suffered the agony of fear and anxiety outside or when I had a rare cathartic cry outside home (e.g. JC, psychiatrist’s office), I did not notice them when I bent my head down even though I could see them. They are so comfortable that I fail to notice them.

Now I can understand what Unicorn meant 5 years ago when she said old shoes have a certain unique character about them. It’s a sentimental thought. To think these pair of shoes that comes between my feet and the ground I walk on has walked with me for 5 years. And in these 5 years alot of good, bad, joyful and sad things happened.

They don’t care how heavy you weigh or whether your clothes match them.
They will go with you to whatever destination you want to go.
They walk on no matter how heavy you’ve become or how rough the terrain ahead is.

I love my shoes. I wish I could go on walking in them for many more years to come.

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NANA Nani? 77何?

NANA the movie (2005). SUKIiiiiii!!! I just love it!!! The best chick flick I’ve ever watched for centuries!
Thanks to Miss 1wRong…
It was this Wednesday when 1wRong invited me to her club’s room for an afternoon movie. I don’t know how many gazillion times she’s watched and re-watched the movie but she still appeared to be really excited about it.
And yes, it is so easy to fall in love with the principal characters. Komatsu Nana is so adorable that when her loser artist boyfriend cheated on her, one can’t help but cheer foul-mouthed Oosaki Nana(テメー!) to beat him up and crush his balls. It’s so heartwarming to watch these 2 different people with the same name live together and sort out their dreams. I guess why we love NANA is because we can identify with their characters. The strong, tough one and the soft-hearted one.
As single women, we want to be loved but without relinquishing power over fulfiling our dreams. The guys in the movie are real cheebeys. I just don’t get what’s so great about them except being good in bed(I think…hahaha*rolls*). Oosaki Nana always gets “eaten”. First her boyfriend Ren stuns her with news that he’s leaving for Tokyo then proceeded to er-hem er-hem. The other time she got “eaten” was when he ran to grab her at the last minute in the hotel lift and probably dragged her into his room while she’s busy crying her eyes out. Strength can’t be judged from looks and rough behavior it seems.
Hey singles out there!!! (You all, yes, you all)
Do you think it’s time we welcome men into our lives?We’ve passed the 20-year mark already…
For me, I don’t see any good catch nor have I sorted my life out yet. Just happy with the way things are now~~~
All except my dumbass neighbour who’s IQ suddenly jumped to 2 digits. He’s secured the network and now I’m sitting on the living room floor, in a tangle of wires, typing this. What a cheebey. Now I can’t even draw what I want because anyone could see what I’m up to. Managed to sneak in this one though…

Nana kissed Nana in the movie! So Yuri~ ^^

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Explain My Life and the Woman in your life

When was the last time you felt your parents are the most wonderful people in your life? When I was still in diapers, I thought my parents were the greatest people in my life; I wanted their attention and make them proud of me. They were the celebrities whom I adored.Of course I adored my dad more since my mom has failed in her role as a mother. My maternal surrogate has always been the maids hired to do the tasks of a homemaker while my mom’s always out to have fun or harass my dad’s company. I’d be lying if I said I did not hate my mother for all the things she did and did not do. Even till now at 22, although I don’t hate her anymore, I do not want to see her even if I have the choice. (Probably on her deathbed if she requests)

After the divorce, I went through adolescence without a mother figure. I thought: “Heck, who needs a mother? I know what I need to know. The school taught me what to do if I have a period or if I get pregnant. Cooking, housework, there’s the maid to do all that. “What did I need? I didn’t know. I was only glad that woman’s out of our lives because her abusive behavior could endanger our lives if it gets worse. She had tried to chop my dad in front of me and the police had to be called. I was only 11.

Adolescence is the most turbulent time in any person’s life. I have no idea how it began but my dad became more human [not humane, haha], he could not understand me, I no longer think he’s that great a person. Whatever that is happening in my life, I don’t see a point to let him in. He won’t understand anyway and may impose his beliefs on mine.
When I think back on how I behaved, if I were in his shoes, I’d have slapped my daughter or just kill myself behind her back. This is silly but as I’m typing now, tears are rolling down my face. (Thank god for the modified term, the library is empty)
When I think of what he went through everyday, I cannot imagine how anyone could have endured so much and not take to drink or abusing others. He never laid a hand on me. The last and only time was when he pinched my cheek and scolded me after he discovered I vandalized the class tables in primary school. (thereafter the schoolteacher caned me.Cheebye.)

I only began to understand the strength I thought I had in me is false and hollow after I suffered from panic attacks just after I graduated from JC. My pride did not allow me to admit my weaknesses until I’m hit in the face with this disabling mental condition did I finally give in. ‘To feel sorry for oneself and others is a sign of weakness’, I lived with this belief for more than a decade until the illness shattered it. I learnt to feel sorry and cry, every tear wearing the hardened crust of a heart down. I’ve carried so many emotional baggages for so long I thought I’d cry forever.
I wasn’t crying for myself alone, I cried for my father and my brother.

The agoraphobia and anxiety attack revealed how much my dad cares for me, his worry was obvious. He sought help and brought me to see a psychiatrist. A traditional Chinese man of his age would not dream of admitting that he’s got a mental case in his family. The overwhelming fear and fainting spells made me irrational and I wanted to commit suicide to end the suffering. After I had a relapse 2 years later, my maid was there to listen to my rubbish and was always close by my side in case I faint or start hyperventilating.
Imagine how she felt when I told her I nearly wanted to jump onto the MRT tracks. Anyone’s blood would run cold but she held me and told me not to do it, reassuring me that things will get better even though the illness came back. If I were to write all the things she did for me during the difficult times, I’d be writing a novel. (don’t get me started on my dad’s part, it’ll be an omnibus)

Now I think of her as an example of what a mother should be. A mother in the family is the pillar of strength that keeps the family structure up. A source of social capital which we expend without thought nor gratitude, which we think we could just exchange with money instead of kind words or gestures.

Time, respect and appreciation are the currency to trade for this social capital not money or gifts. And the exchange has to be carried out consistently because you trade like with like. One-off social capital investments result in one-off gains.

An example is my relationship with my biological mother. She hardly hugged me or showed she care. What mattered to her was my exam results. She invested very little and usually it is one-off, like the rare times she let me rest my head on her lap. Otherwise, most of the time it’s the cane and pain. What did she gain? Nothing. The only one-off gains I give her is gifts while in my heart I wish I was adopted.

I asked 1wRong’s mother whether it is common for housewives to fall into depression and she said yes, even she herself. My paternal aunt had suffered from depression and anxiety when my cousins were still schooling. Her sons grew to become a successful doctor and a manager of an MNC and both are extremely filial to her. However, the suffering she went through took a toll on her health and she is still popping pills to ease her insomnia and asthma.

When was the last time you got to know your mother(or father) as someone who used to be at your age right now?
She’s the person who has been working silently everyday, worrying what to cook so that it’ll suit your tastes and is nutritious at the same time or constantly watching the clock, wondering when you’ll come home. There’s all the laundry to do and clothes to be ironed, the floor to be swept and mopped. Monday to Sunday, every week, facing the same old stuff and the routine never ends. No colleagues by your side to talk to or to come to your aid immediately. No performance goals to meet so you can derive that delicious sense of achievement. And when the other family members return home, they don’t ask how’s your day been or even what you’ve been slaving in the kitchen for. You have to beg them to go to the dinner table to eat up the meals you cooked. No one asks about how you prepared it or how much time you took to plan the shopping list so costs are kept the lowest possible. Then there’s the leftovers to keep or dispose. Imagine that.
And that’s only in a day’s job as a homemaker. Project that to a lifetime.
Yes, shudder, but it’s happening to someone close to you. Isn’t it time to say or do something?
Come to think of it, it’s amazing how a small thank you or praise everyday could turn my maid’s cooking world-class.

The woman who gave birth to me is the mother of my body. It took me 20 years before I found the mother of my soul ( And ironically, she can’t give birth to children).
Others may think of it as pathetic to find a surrogate in a maid but when I think of my life and the life of others, I say shove it, it’s the life I want to live right now and I’m finally tasting what life is, be it sweet, bitter or green bean. =)

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Filed under Personally exposed, Pissed

Green bean OD/Less hair

Sunday’s my favourite day of the week because it’s GREEN BEAN SOUP DAY!!! I love my maid’s green bean dessert. I’ll always eagerly anticipate the first day of the week to arrive so I can taste that smooth green bean rich soup. The softened beans and silky sago that yields readily to the pressure of my tongue against the roof of my mouth.MMMMMMmmmm… I finished half a pot before I left house to interview a cousin for my management accounting project. When I returned home, I took the pot off the stove and a spoon in hand, sat myself in front of the TV, staring at Saiyuki Reload and finished it to the last drop.
And what a terrible price I paid for my excesses. Now I’ve got excessive gas knotting my guts up and with menses on its way[hard painful acne popping up], I’ve never felt more shitty. Worse, I’m constipated!!!
Enough of gas, today I finally got a nice haircut! After so many painful and ugly trial and errors, I decided to go to Miss 1wRong’s hairstylist to salvage what the mess chapter2 had created. Storm is absolutely the best! The shampoo people treat the hair so tenderly and their head massage is shiok!The senior stylist is a real professional. She sculpted my hair, layering it so quickly and surely it is as if she is relying on intuition alone to guide her hands. And voila! soft layers for a streamlined shape while 1wRong was given a spunky cut that totally rocks!!!

2 pretty girls emerged from Tampines today. With less hair but a whole lot of looks!Haha, I’m sure 1wRong’s going to attract 10,000 guys this time according to the Nana personality and fortune telling online generator. Her character is Junko.(゜w゜)

Mine was Oosaki Nana the rocker, with only 25 suitors. (-゜A゜-)

*Now I’m into Nana, thanks to 1wRong for transferring an episode to me during Accounting theory class. I hope Prof. J.J. did not see me gape at my computer screen because sex is already happening in the 1st part of the episode. It’s produced by one of the big names in the anime industry, Madhouse. The mature content also makes way for a strong storyline and characterisation which after Rescue Wings, Nana could be the next anime for me to gush about. One thing to note is Ishida Akira is playing a gigolo character. Urgh.

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A. Check this experimental digital painting out. Amon from ‘Witchhunter Robin’.His nose looks weird.ごめん~ I’m falling in love with this beauty from Sunrise and Gonzo’s Sunabouzu[Desert Punk]. The former is cool with an exciting plot that keeps us guessing while the latter is hilarious with all the bawdy goodness and comical antics. Whooo and Gundam Seed Destiny’s Special Edition redeems the whole series, giving fans the details they want. Eg: Talia naked with only a bedsheet on the same bed as Chairman Dullindal on board the Minerva!!!We Want More!!!

B.Went down to Siam Kitchen in Bugis on Labour day to bust some waistlines with Miss 1wRong, Mel, Miss Ringo and Linda. We sat and ate and ate and ate until only Linda, 1wRong and me were the last women gorging. The chicken curry was really good… Oh oh, sorry for losing focus. Can’t help it when there’s food.
It was a wonderful birthday lunch to celebrate the ageing of dear Linda, Mel and Miss Ringo. And the best part was when Miss 1wRong gave each of us a handmade present! I was the last one to receive the unknown item from her.
1wRong: Weet, you may love it or you may hate it.Close your eyes.
Me: Eeeks! *doki doki* Omigod… Don’t tell me you really made Shinn??? I was only joking!
1wRong: *snigger* Just close your eyes lah!!!
1wRong: OK! You can Open them now!
キラァァァ!!!KIRA YAMATO!!!

So kawaii!!!

I’m in love… I can’t believe Miss 1wRong made this without a template and only a picture of Kira as a guide! One and only on this planet and it’s staying with me even after I die, and after my grandchildren, and great grandchildren.(if there’s an ‘accident’.) Hope Ringo likes the mini CD with booklet.

C. Waraku Orchard is going to the dogs after the expansion. Specifically, the manager of the establishment. On my 1st visit with Ringo 2 years ago, the manager was from Osaka and I’ve never heard such a loud “irrashaimase” in my entire life. Subsequent visits, the manager is from Singapore and the “irrashaimase “got softer. Last Thursday, there was no “irrashaimase” at all. The manager is Singaporean and speaks Cantonese real loud within the premises. Thanks for switching the Japanese ambience into Malaysian hawker center. She did not know what the yam dish is called, told me it’s seasonal but din tell me what’s the price. To top it off, did not clear the pile of menus after taking the order so the poor waiter had to grow a third arm to clear space for the food. くそkuso. I’d fire her on the spot and make her perform harakiri.

With so much piss, I submitted a feedback to the company and lo and behold, instead of getting back to me after 3 working days, the management replied with apologies 15 hours after the form was sent. They requested for my mailing address and insisted on giving me a voucher as a token. Feels good that they take customer piss so seriously because really, the service has been deteriorating so much, it has gone below the Sakae Sushi standard.

Voucher wo Matteimasu.

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Filed under Pissed, Spending Spree